Patanjali's yoga sutras

अनुभूतविषयासंप्रमोषः स्मृति

anu-bhūta-viṣaya-asaṁpramoṣaḥ smr̥tiḥ

anubhūta = experienced

viṣaya = object

asaṁpramoṣaḥ = not forgotten

smr̥tiḥ = memory

Memories are things that have been experienced and are not forgotten.

That’s a very matter-of-fact statement. There’s no judgment in it.

And yet, we all know how awful it feels to be caught up in the mental vortex of bad memories.

No amount of grief, regret, guilt, shame, anger, or bitterness can change the past, and no amount of longing or nostalgia will bring it back, but if you’re like most people, you spend a lot of time in the realm of the woulda-coulda-shouldas, ruminating on everything you’ve done and that’s been done to you.

Bad memories negatively shape the way you think about yourself and the way you relate to other people. That’s why it’s so hard to see yourself and them through the eyes of God, with compassion, loving kindness, joy, and equanimity. Very logically, it’s our past experiences. We know what we and other people are really like.

The feeling of Oneness will come to you most easily in the field of limitless possibilities, in meditation. In the last sutra, you learned about the magic of meditating at the transitions between waking and sleeping. It’s in those transitions that the field of limitless possibilities opens up. It’s much harder to get into that space once you’ve started your day and if you’ve fallen asleep you’ve already missed it. It will vanish in an instant if you don’t consciously work to keep it open. You might hear it in the laugh of a baby or see it in an attractive person you’ve just met, but it’s only a matter of time before they do something that limits your expectations.

It’s a huge challenge to keep that open space, free of accumulated memories, but if you want to feel a Oneness that includes other people, you must meet them in a space where anything is possible. Just keep clearing out all the judgments to make sure it doesn’t get cluttered.

I’m not saying you have to do this with people who have hurt you. You won’t let go of memories of hurt until you feel safe and that usually requires quite a bit of time and distance. What if you can’t feel safe or whole again until certain people are permanently and completely out of your life? Does that mean you can’t experience oneness with God, divinity or the universe? No, and it’s perfectly okay to start this practice small, with a few people you have safe relationships with. Even there, with the people we love and trust the most, it’s a challenge to keep that field of limitless possibilities open. We have to see them with a fresh pair of eyes every time we look, always forgiving and forgetting the little things that create feelings of separation to keep the space of Oneness open.

Whenever you can, let go of the things that distract you from Oneness–and remember the things that remind you of it. Whenever you have a thought or something happens to you that strengthens your faith in Oneness, write it down and tell the stories of those times in your life. Smr̥tiḥ, the word Patanjali used for “memory,” is also the word for “mindfulness” and likewise can refer to the capacity to remember, as in having a good memory.

How often in your daily life can you remind yourself of Oneness? Mantras are useful for this. My favorite is Ram Dass’s mantra “I am Loving Awareness.” Does using a mantra like this make your interactions with other people more positive? Does it improve your feelings about yourself? Does it help you separate your identity from the ego that has so many opinions about itself and others?